sometimes funny, occasionally nude.

Mostly, I'm a writer.

23 Reasons I'm Not Lesbian Enough to Tell You I'm Gay, Even Though I Want to Sometimes

I'm 30 (and don't have a girlfriend).

I don't own a single thing in plaid.

I've never lived with a girlfriend.

My hair is the same length all around.

I have a boyfriend.

I don't play any sports, except yoga.

I speak like a Midwestern mom.

I hate commitment.

I didn't know about the carabiner thing until hipsters had apparently taken it over.

I have a boyfriend.

I DGAF about the environment, really.

I fucking hate dogs.

I don't care for cats, either.

I live in Florida.

I don't know how to draw.

I have a boyfriend.

I only wear, like, three and a half colors.

I disagree with feminists about most things.

I wear a modest amount of makeup -- not a ton and not none. 

I get along well with my parents. 

I don't understand EDM or poetry.

I don't like the words "queer" or "dyke."

I have a boyfriend.

Answers To All The Questions I Wasn’t Supposed To Ask A Fat Guy

Send This Love Note to an Asshole in Your Life